6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
