i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
