we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do herpes really smell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
