Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
