im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
