she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
