I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
