After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
