there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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