HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
