My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
