How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
