So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
