Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
