This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
