it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
