it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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