brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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