you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
