if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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