So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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