I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
