i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
