I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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