Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
