just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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