I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
