oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
