Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
