I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
