I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
