just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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