Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
