I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
