it was like eating out sand paper
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
