apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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