The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
