If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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