we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
