You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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