if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
