i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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