You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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