She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
where are my eyebrows?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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