Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
