He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
