xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have fence marks all over my body
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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