Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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