can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
