Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
