were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
