I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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