peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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