she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
