I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
