I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I didn't notice because vodka
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
