I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
